


smile

by notyourbestfriend



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Includes swearing, Songfic, Two-Part, based off the song mine by bazzi, dramione - Freeform, from my tumblr, you so fucking precious when you smile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 05:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15163325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notyourbestfriend/pseuds/notyourbestfriend
Summary: "you so fucking precious when you smile"





	1. you so fucking precious when you smile

**Author's Note:**

> you can listen to mine [here](https://open.spotify.com/album/5TR37lsXlmSmzFuIcXn5Dp) on Spotify and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc71AmT_b2k) on YouTube.

_You so fucking precious when you smile_

It starts with a small smile, the way it brightens up her eyes, and how it makes her look ethereal. He can never look away when she smiles like that, like no one’s watching. 

When she laughs, the sound echoes down the corridor; it is like music to his ears and for a moment, everything in the world is good and  _okay_ , and he can fucking  _breathe_. He can never resist looking around for her, to feel at peace in that small moment.

When he accidentally spies her making out with a boy from another school, he feels like all the oxygen in the air has disappeared. He ignores the way his heart cracks, and he ignores the urge to scream his throat raw, and he ignores the sounds his friends make, calling out to him for a dance.

When she disappears with her friends, a few years later, his heart aches again. But he ignores it. A girl with curly hair, glasses, and a sharp tongue isn’t his biggest problem anymore. He feels like he’s drowning.

When she’s suddenly inside his home, screaming as her body writhes in agony, he wishes he could do  _something_  but he’s scared and so fucking  _afraid_ , that he turns his face away, closes his eyes, and tries his best to ignore the way that her screams feel like stabs to his gut.

When he sees her the next time, she’s talking about how he’s not a danger to society, and  _fuck_ , he can’t believe she’s standing right  _there._ He wants to see that smile or hear her laugh, but she’s gone before he can even tell her he’s so fucking sorry. So, so, sorry.

He’s at a bar when he sees her. Her arms are wrapped around a tall man with jet black hair; he’s certain it’s her best friend, the one who she’s almost always around, but he can’t see his face so he’s not sure. He orders another drink and drowns his sorrows in the cheapest alcohol his now limited fortune can buy. 

“Hey, you okay?” a voice asks, and suddenly he’s face to face with the boy with the scar. 

“Fuck off,” he replies. He doesn’t want his pity, he just wants to feel less like he’s falling, falling, falling, but no matter what he does, alcohol, drugs, potions, he can’t make it stop. 

“Clearly you’re way too drunk right now-”

“Fuck you, asshole, leave me the fuck alone!” he shouts, and he realizes that she’s right next to this asshole, and he knows he has to just fucking  _leave_. 

“Hey-” 

He’s gone before he can hear whatever she has to say. He knows it’s going to be nothing good. 

Two weeks pass before he encounters her again, and this time she’s alone. As soon as he’s inside the bar, she makes her way to him, and it starts to feel like too much.

“Wait,” she grabs his arm before he can leave again. “We all made mistakes, you know, we were kids. I know you hate me, but just don’t forget that we were young and stupid, and it’s not your fault.” She lets go off his arm, and suddenly his world has tilted, he turns to apologize to her, and she’s smiling at him, and he feels like he’s 14 all over again, trying to catch that smile. 

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he says, and his throat feels raw. “I’m really sorry, I wish I-”

“Hey, we were young and stupid. I forgive you,” she tells him, and her smile makes him want to dream of life again. “We’ve all done things, terrible things, but we have to move on.” Her voice is desperate, her eyes wide.

“I-thank you.” He means it, hearing her words make him feel less like scum, but the ache in his heart, and the darkness in the head still persist and he orders the only drink that can get him to oblivion the fastest. 

They don’t really say much for the rest of the night but he feels less like he’s falling for the first time in a very long time. 


	2. just lay with me, waste this night away with me

_Just lay with me, waste the night away with me_

When he wakes up the next morning, he wakes up without a pounding headache and the urge to throw up  _repeatedly_ , and at first he wonders if something's wrong with him. But then he remembers how he's drank drastically less the night before than he does on a daily basis, all because she's forgiven him for something he has yet to forgive himself for. 

"Fuck," he mutters to himself, and lifts himself out of his bed, running his pale fingers through his paler hair, and fisting it lightly. No matter what he does, he can hardly make sense of the witch's words. How can she have forgiven him,  _him_ , the man who had stood by and done nothing as his aunt continuously tortured her? How can she have forgiven her childhood bully who had treated her like dirt and called her slurs that she so clearly doesn't  _deserve_? 

He curses a few more times before he's already making his way to the living room where his self-made potions that make him just  _forget_ are scattered across the small table he transfigured a few months earlier from a spare pillow. 

The potions only take a few minutes to take effect, and before he knows it, he's feeling  _much_ better. He no longer has to think about watching one of his closest friends die in a frenzy of fire, or remember the fact that he's a destitute wizard a month's rent away from being homeless.

When the haze lifts, he's ended up somewhere he's never gone before. The lights in the establishment are dim, and suddenly he's being dragged by the arm, and before he can say anything he's face to face with the curly haired witch from last night.

"What are you doing _here_?" she hisses at him, her brown eyes boring into his, glaring at him, reminding him of the night he'd watched her scream until her screams had turned into sobs. 

"The same as you," he replies coolly, glaring right back at her. 

"Right," she says, narrowing her eyes at him. "Just stay here, I'll be right back." Before he blinks, she disappears. He finally realizes he's in some sort of nightclub, perhaps more expensive than the one he's usually holed up in, as he's never been in here before. Regardless, he finds himself ordering a shot of the strongest drink available. The glass a quarter inch away from his lips when she reappears.

"Easy there," she says, before ordering the same. He tips the bitter liquid into his mouth and relishes in the burn that makes it way down his throat. "Three times in one month, got to be a record, right?" 

"Huh?" He's already signaled the bartender for another drink.

"We've randomly bumped into each other three times in a single month. Also, seriously, those drinks are  _really_ strong, trust me. They're a one way ticket to a black void in your memory." She gives him a small smile, and his heart flips.

"That's the plan, love," he says, tipping the second shot.

"Great. Cheers," she says, lifting the small glass in his direction before it makes it's way down his throat. For a moment he's mesmerized by the way her tongue peeks out to lick a couple of drops of the alcohol on her lip. He shakes himself before downing a couple more drinks. He's pretty sure she's ordered and drank just as many. 

"So what makes you want to take a ticket to a black void in your memory?" he finds himself asking, his words slurring, when he's pretty sure it's his fifth drink. Could be the seventh too, he's never kept count.

She giggles a bit, which makes his heart ache, before she replies, "Life." 

"Cheers to that," he's saying, already feeling a little more  _alive_  and a little less like he'sbeing smothered by life itself.

When the bar gets busier and they can't catch the bartender's attention, she's asking him a question that makes him flinch, and suddenly the line of glasses in front of him that are blurring together aren't enough, and he needs more, more, more. 

"S-Sh-She's d-dead," he replies, the words getting stuck in his throat, his eyes watering, and he's making his way out, her voice a soft whisper against the screams in his head. When he closes his eyes, he can often still see the way the disease had completely ravaged his mother's body, when it gets too quiet, he can still hear her screams, the shrill noises made as the disease ate away at her bones.

He only realizes he's left the establishment when the cool air hits his face and suddenly he's heaving, puking his guts out, his body shaking. In a split second he's back at the manor, he's kneeling next to his mother's frail body, holding a bucket, and he doesn't even realize when the tears join the vomit. It's only when the brunette witch is running a hand down his back that he realizes that he's screaming himself hoarse and she's making soothing noises. 

"I'm so, so sorry," she says when he looks up at her. 

"Please make me forget," he pleads, his voice hoarse. He wipes his mouth against the sleeve of his robes before he begs her again. "Please. Make me forget. I, I c-can't."

Suddenly he's tasting strawberry chapstick and the bitter shots he'd just consumed minutes before. It shouldn't be, but it's the best thing he's tasted. And then, just as quickly, there's a quick apology, and she's walking away, and he knows he wants more.

"Spend the night with me," he's requesting, tugging on her arm. 

"I-we're both drunk. This isn't wise," she tells him, softly unwrapping his fingers around her wrist. 

"Fuck, I don't want to be fucking  _wise_. I," his voice catches for a second, "I know I'm not worth your attention. Just spend the night with me. I won't touch you if you don't want me to. Please, please, please," he's pleading, and then he's in her apartment tasting the bitter strawberry-alcohol mix. 

They trip over each other, their clothes slowly falling to the floor, one after another. And then she's screaming his name and he's forgetting in a wholly different way.

When he wakes up the next morning, his head hurts and he feels nauseous. A soft groan next to him brings back flashes of the night before, of smooth curves, and soft lips, and nails raking down his back.

He's trying to memorize her face, the way her bottom lip juts out slightly more than the top, the way her brown eyelashes rest on her cheeks, when he's facing bright, brown eyes instead.

"Hi." His voice is hoarse and she flashes him a smile that sucks all the oxygen out of his lungs, and he wants to tuck away this memory into the safest recesses of his mind, because he knows that this is  _it_ , that this is all he gets, all that someone like him will ever get. It's way more than he deserves. 

And he knows it's wrong, and his head hurts more than ever but he's still inching his face closer to hers, and when she doesn't move away, he's kissing her again, his fingers making their way to her hair, and she's kissing him back, and then he feels teeth, and he's losing himself in her all over again, and he could die like this; he could  _live_ like this. 

When they're sweaty and lying down next to each other, he confesses, "You make me want to live again."

She flashes him a brilliant smile and he basks in it, and he feels  _alive_ , and he finds himself smiling back, and it's been way too long since his muscled have moved this way, and he can feel it, he  _knows_ it, deep in his bones, that she's his, that no matter what, he can live, he  _will_ live, if only for her, but he can finally breathe once again. 

Three years later, he tastes her strawberry chapstick and their wedding cake and he thinks of one thing only.

 _Mine_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wrote this chapter the same day i posted the first chapter (i’m so happy i actually completed this bc tbh after i wrote the first chapter i wasn’t so sure i would _actually_ get around to writing the second one, but i did so i’m proud of myself). the reason i didn’t post both chapters on the same day is to leave all of you in Anticipation. no but fr, bc it’s multi (dual?) chapter, i wanted it to be published separately otherwise it’s just like a one shot separated into half, sort of. 
> 
> also if any of you have read my other fics, you know that i love writing without using any actual names (esp of characters) and i believe this is the longest fic i’ve written that has not mentioned any character names wholly throughout. 
> 
> i hope you guys liked it as much as i enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> ~ lots of love!!!
> 
> p.s. who can tell me how many times i’ve used the words “say” (& it’s variations), “suddenly”, and “and then” without using the find tool? ik i’ve used it a lot but it’s part of the effect. draco is a druggie and alcoholic whose concept of time is a bit... iffy, and basically i liked how it made the writing flow hahahha. lemme know what you think!! i love reading your comments & getting an email notification when anyone leaves them; it makes my day. :)

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i did actually write this a few days ago, but only got around to posting now, because i wanted to write the second part to this first, but now i’m thinking i want to post this first part first (hahaha) and then i’ll write the second and post it in a few days.
> 
> i wrote this while listening to the song on repeat (it’s the only way i could stay in that _you-so-fucking-precious, i’m-so-happy-you’re-alive_ vibe) and i hope you guys like it! i made a couple of my friends read it and they really loved it! 
> 
> please leave a kudos if you liked this fic, it lets me know that my work is appreciated and it motivates me to write more!
> 
> ~ lots of love!
> 
> find this fic on tumblr [here](https://sannisideup.tumblr.com/post/175537688751/smile-songfic).
> 
> p.s. i recommend the song ‘beautiful’, which is also by bazzi!
> 
> p.p.s one of my friends got me a hermione funko pop doll for my birthday!! i’m so happy!!


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